the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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