Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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