made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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