are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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