It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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