It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
