I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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