The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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