My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
