I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
