I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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