I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
