I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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