But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize