Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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