Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this will be a night to untag.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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