Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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