I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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