Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
