I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
