Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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