oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
