i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
