Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
