I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
