I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
