What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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