did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are all done wearing pants today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
