Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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