yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
