I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
