How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
