i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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