My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
