Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
