Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do herpes really smell.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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