My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
