Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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