Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
