So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
