don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
