Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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