yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
