Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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