I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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