it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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