Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
