will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
