I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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