12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
