I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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