can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
