my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
