the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
