I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
