There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
