I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
