STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
