My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
