I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
