C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
