Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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