I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
