i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dicks are not precious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
