Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
