I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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