My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
