I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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