Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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