Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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