quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think my moral compass just broke
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
