so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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