Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
