Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
