she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
