i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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