You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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