Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
