There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize