In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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