i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
