So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
