She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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