now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
