Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
